The X-Men kept staring at the television. "Hi, Ravenne," they chorused dully. Remy
was annoyed.
"She be my new love!" he squawked indignantly. "Don't nobody care 'bout ol' Remy
no more?"
"Don't, ma cher." Ravenne SilverStar NightWolf's voice was liquid velvet. She
placed one slender hand on Remy's forearm, tossing her naturally rose-scented mane
of curls that was a color somewhere between red and cherrywood, with a silver streak
just over her left eye. "After how they abandoned you in Antarctica, I'm not surprised."
"Yeah, whatever. Do you mind?" Scott said, irritably. "We're trying to watch
Family Guy, here."
Jean prodded her husband with her foot. "Go on, honey. You know you have to."
Heaving a sigh, Scott stood up, placing his fists on his hips. "Gambit!" he barked.
"You know better than to drag humans in here unannounced!"
Ravenne smiled, dangerously. "Oh, so I'm a human? About as human as my old friend
Logan over there! Right, Wolfie?"
"'Wolfie'?" Rogue repeated, puzzled. Logan grunted, popping open another beer.
"They've all gotta have their own special nicknames for me, darlin'," he grumped,
sucking down half the brew. He glanced briefly over at Ravenne, who was looking
at him expectantly. "Yeah, right, fine." He grunted in annoyance. "Cyke, me an' this lil'
hellcat have been in a
ton'a fights all across the flamin' continent. If Gumbo brings her in, he's got
no complaints from me. Gal's a better fighter than —" his lip curled as he forced
the words out, "— you an' Jubes an' Kitty together."
Totally disgusted, Logan stood up. "That left a nasty taste in my craw," he growled.
"Anyone needs me, I'll be out back choppin' down trees."
Smoothing down her black jeans and black leather jacket over her lush hips, ample
bosom and thin waist, Ravenne smiled again. She didn't even need makeup; her beauty
was all natural and she wore it with grace, ease and irresistable sexuality.
"See? If Logan says I'm good, then I'm good. And Remy loves me, so there, buttbreath."
Scott looked bored. "Why you little —" he said flatly. Then paused, then turned around. "Bobby?"
"Whuh?" Bobby was riveted to the television. "Oh, oh yeah." He cleared his throat,
then began spasming in a ridiculous way that forced Ororo to either move or lose an
eye. "Hahahaha!! Ooooh, Ravenne, that's a good one! Hahahaha!! Take that, Scott!"
He finished and returned to normal, grinning at Hank. "I did that one well, dontcha think?"
"Hmmm," Hank considered. "Well, you forgot your signature 'Scott's always got a
stick up his posterior' remark, but I think the robotic duplication of your laugh was quite
well done. Congratulations, Bobbithon."
"Now, now!" Jean rose from the sofa and went over to clasp Scott's shoulders. "Scott,
honey, don't get so riled up," she trilled. "Can't you see that Ravenne really loves
Remy? And she would be a great addition to the team. And —" she scrunched her eyes
shut and held her fingers to her temples, "— I'm sensing that there is some sort of
horrible pain in her past...like...nothing I've ever experienced before...."
"Get out of my head, psi-witch!" Ravenne cried. Without even knowing what she was
doing, she lashed out mentally, forcing Jean out of her mind. "You can keep your
phony sympathy!"
Jean kissed Scott's cheek and went back to the sofa. "Good," she muttered. "Because
it totally was phony."
Ororo looked up. "Goddess...if I have to say the 'she's experienced worse than Jean
ever did — even worse than the Phoenix' line, I shall go mad."
"Guys, do we hafta do this?" Rogue whined. "Ah'm not in the mood t'go all woobly and
mushy over Remy. She can have him, for all ah care."
Remy raised an eyebrow. "Y'tink I'm enjoyin' dis, chere?" he demanded. "You t'ink
I like havin' t'invest all my emotions in one gorgeous woman after 'nother?
You t'ink I like bein' worshipped like some kinda god? You t'ink I like
having constant steamy erotic — oh, no, wait. I do like dis."
Ignoring Rogue's snort, Ravenne flashed her blue-gold-hazel eyes at her lover. "You
know I love you, Remy," she breathed. "Thou art more lovely, and more temperate."
She paused and stared with pointed smugness in Hank's direction.
Frankly, Hank was confused. "That wasn't even worked in properly!" he exclaimed.
"Never mind, my friend," Ororo said soothingly. "Just answer."
Sighing, Hank adjusted his spectacles. "Oho, a Shakespearian," he droned. "We must
keep her oh Fearless Leader for I fear there are no others in this sordid burg
with whom I may discourse on the Bard's immortal prose." He ended, looking pained.
Ororo winced, patting his shoulder. "That was even worse than usual," she whispered.
Hank shuddered. "Marry, this is the long and short of it," he said. "If you
have tears, prepare to shed them now."
Ravenne SilverStar NightWolf then did something that surprised them all.
She burst into a volley of tears.
And she really blubbed. Her face got red, puffy and blotchy, her nose ran
in a most unseemly manner, her eyes seemed to recede into her head. There was no
charm to it; it was not an endearing show of emotion. She looked pretty gross.
Aghast, Hank said, "Well, I didn't mean it literally...."
Scott went over to the crumpled girl, since Remy was obviously at a loss for what
to do and was in fact slowly backing away. "Ravenne?" he asked gently, gingerly
putting an arm around her.
"Oh, you can call me Mary Sue!" the girl wailed. "It's my real name anyway!!! And
you all know it! I hate it!"
"If you want to be 'Ravenne', dear, you can be." Jean came over to help her husband.
The girl clung to them like they were life preservers.
"I'm sorry I was rude to you," she sniveled. "You guys are really comforting. I
just...I hadda! That's what I'm like! I hadda!"
"She's got worse grammar than Gambit," Bobby marveled.
Ravenne wiped her eyes and her snotty nose with the back of one hand. Scott wordlessly
handed her a box of tissues and she pulled out a clump of them, sniffling.
"I wanna be a real character," she confessed, wadding the tissues against her face.
"I wanna be like you guys. I wanna have
depth, and flaws, and make mistakes, and even be dorky sometimes!"
"Merde — dis be too much fo' ol' Remy to handle."
"Well, too bad, sugah. You already burned yoah bushes where ah'm concerned."
"Bridges, child. The expression is to burn bridges."
"Whutevah. He gets the point."
"Look, Ravenne," Scott was saying, "you serve a very important purpose just as you are."
The girl looked up, lip trembling. "I...I do?...."
"Sure. You provide a way for fledgling writers to get connected with our personalities.
Of course, I'm being extremely generous here, because I'm normally the one who's written
like an anal-retentive pod-person. But still...."
Ravenne Mary Sue SilverStar NightWolf blinked rapidly. "You think...I'm important?"
Jean smiled. "Of course, sweetie. Very important."
The girl stood up, all traces of tears drying immaculately. The X-People on the sofa
immediately fell silent. Maybe if they didn't talk, she'd just concentrate on Scott and Jean.
"You're right!" Ravenne Mary Sue sparkled. "I am important! I'm gonna go spread
my importance around in Generation X!"
"Yeah!" Bobby raised a fist in solidarity. "You go!"
They all watched quietly as Ravenne Mary Sue SilverStar NightWolf ran out of the room.
They remained silent until the front door slammed. Then there was a communal sigh of relief.
"Remy, don't evah bring any more of those no-good, trampy, stuck-up lil' bimbos 'round
here again, y'hear me?"
The Cajun shrugged already seeming to lose interest in the entire affair. "D'accord."
Scott collapsed on the sofa, lolling his tongue out. "That was exhausting," he moaned.
"Poor baby," Jean crooned, curling up against him. "Well, she's not our problem anymore."
"No," Bobby crowed. "She's GenX's. And they hate Mary Sues."
Hank nodded. "But, given their proclivity towards Mary Sue infestations, I'm certain
they'll know how to deal with her."
"Say, do you suppose we should call Sean and Emma and warn them?" Jean wondered. Scott
shook his head.
"Nah. Emma's seemed bored lately. Shredding a Mary Sue will be just the thing to
perk her up, don't you think?..."
"Mes amis, I want you to meet...Ravenne."